Dear Dreamers, you may send this letter to anyone who needs it 🙂
(The ones who didn’t know better)
I have been stepping around myself for years now. I have been careful with my memories and my current experiences. We put away so much to be dealt with later or we choose not to try something new for the fear of a repetition of the past. There comes a time when the slightest inconvenience can undo your tall and carefully built pile of unattended emotions. Unfortunately, or fortunately, that time has passed for me.
I look back now, with courage and a sense of calm, which is new to me because I have always been afraid. I have been apprehensive of saying I am afraid. I look back and see all of the you who didn’t know better at that point in time. Having said that, I don’t mean I’ll ever forgive all of you, but I also don’t resent you all. All of you don’t matter and haven’t mattered for years, coming up to this moment.
I wish I could ask you all questions to understand your perspectives, but I have mostly just wanted to give you a piece of my mind. I broke myself down to zero, and stayed there, realising there was no where lower to fall. It was easy to lay low, but it hurt to be put there by people I trusted. It’s not that I was different or better than all of you; I was just not a piece of the puzzle that all of you were a part of. I came from a different puzzle box altogether. I shaped myself to be a piece that fit, and all of you helped with your share of damage. For years, I told myself that scrapbook version of me was beautiful and stunning. No more of that, now. I am my own design.
I am now wiser, more aware and I have learnt kindness. I still don’t leave my comfort zone or my shell, but there are a handful of people who are welcome into it, like I am welcome into theirs. It’s taken a village to help me find my core and I am glad none of you ever tapped into that. If you had known any better, you would have known that your words were acidic fumes and your actions were like the magnifying glass under the sun; both taking their time to inflict pain and discomfort.
Wherever all of you are now, I hope you never learn of how you dulled someone’s spirit and how you picked on someone you considered lesser than you, for it’ll be too much to wrap your narrow minds around. I would never wish my closet of fear and unattended emotions on anyone, not even the ones who filled it up.
If there comes a time when our paths cross, be sure to know that I will never offer you acknowledgement. There is no point in salvaging the past when you have the present you have chosen for yourself. I suggest you do the same and not feign interest in my existence. You may know better now, but you don’t know me, and you never have. You only knew the person you created and she’s long gone.
. . . . . . . . . .
Reader. Learner. Dreamer.
I am all about the little things in life!